It was dragging on into the later hours, the late May sunlight giving up the fight and leaning into darkness.
So was I.
Nearly 35 miles of interstate 80 had been moved to one lane, with only brief respites of “normal” speed limits patching in here and there. I ended up behind a convoy of tractor trailers that rivaled the Oregon trail, pumping the brakes for good measure every once and a while.
I was driving nearly 3 hours. Why?
I was navigating the midwest season of construction, of my own will & volition, in mid-May. Why?
I was heavy eyed, watery from the compressed air flowing through my car vents, isolated in my own thoughts to the point of being disgusted. Why?
Because these are the things we fight for.
My reasons for being on the road are immaterial, I’ll leave that to the edges of mystery, but the point is that we’ll go to extreme lengths to find and cultivate and care for certain things. There are things we fight for.
We fight sleep to rise just that half hour early, knowing that meditation and prayer and reading something rich and beautiful makes us better.
We fight our fear of rejection and embarrassment to go on that date with the person we think may be part of our life long term.
We fight our discomfort with hard conversations - with loved ones, with co-workers, with our children - knowing that like removing a splinter the temporary pain will be eclipsed by the long-term health.
We fight the voices in our head who have told us we’re corrupted, totally depraved - the religious voices who have drawn the borders of God’s own love with the thick red of our own insecurities and shame - because deep down we know they're wrong and one day it won’t feel selfish or boastful to say so.
We fight because gender doesn't equal quality - not in work, not in preaching, not in leadership or decision-making or strategy. Quality comes from the character of a person, not from genetic differentiation.
We fight the idea that God desires us to apply the CULTURE of the Bible as well as the CONTEXT of the Bible.
We fight to be curious, because God both asks and answers and therefore so should we.
We fight because these things matter. We put ourselves in harm and discomfort, in tension and in risk, in solitude and silence, because the fight is in us. It may be buried in attic junk, clustered and covered in the cardboard box cavalcade that litters the landscape of our very selves. But it is there.
The fight is there.
As Jesus said, some will bring out good things from their closets and storage rooms (Matt. 12:35) - ancient wisdom rooted in experience, truth that flows out of all that’s good and beautiful about God, and a reason to move and walk and work.
This is what we fight for.
What do you fight for?